In my last email I promised to share some of the biggest mistakes I made as a mom.
Here’s the first one.
Mistake #1: Not understanding the meaning of Emotional Authority
My daughter has always been very emotional. Always. She either loved something or someone, or she hated it.
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when I’d pick her up after school her teacher would report to me (daily) how much she loudly complained that she had to sit next to “TJ,” who “bothered her”
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I could never leave her to play with a friend for very long, as they’d inevitably argue (loudly) – I had to referee constantly
- there were times she’d be so ‘happy’ and excited she was practically giddy – then she wouldn’t listen to me, and she’d spin out of control resulting in something getting broken or someone getting hurt
I often felt like I spent all my time trying to moderate her emotions and responses to situations. She didn’t ‘take things in stride.” She had to get angry and complain loudly (it was hot and she was tired), or she had to feel disappointed and pout and retreat to her room for hours (it was raining and her outing was cancelled).
As you can imagine, I felt challenged and bewildered when her emotions flared. and I couldn’t do anything to make her feel better, or become more even-tempered.
BUT…
really, it wasn’t my daughter who was ‘out of control” – it was more that I wished I could control her big feelings.
As a mostly even-tempered person who is fairly easy-going, not a lot of things bother me. So my daughter’s strong emotions – which changed quickly from one extreme to the other – baffled and embarrassed me when other people were present…
Like the time she was preparing for a race in a youth club. She just knew she was going to win. She was hopping up and down with excitement at the starting line, anticipating how she was going to feel crossing the finish line way ahead of everyone else. Before the race I’d tried to calm her down a little, reminding her that the race was ‘just for fun,’ that it didn’t matter who won. But she just wouldn’t listen.
Ready, Set, Go!
Five steps into the race she tripped and fell.
She was so crushed with disappointment she ran off the course in tears and she refused to participate in any of the other activities for the rest of the day. For the rest of the day I had to watch everyone else’s child engage and have fun while my child sulked by herself. It felt like torture to endure the looks and stares from the other moms.
It felt to me that things like this happened all the time. I was always in reaction mode where she was concerned.
When her emotions were negative, I wanted them to STOP.
When they were positive it often felt to me like she was TOO MUCH,
Mostly, I wanted her to calm down a little.
I tried to talk her out of her feelings by explaining why she shouldn’t feel that way or by making excuses for why she should be more understanding of the other person or the situation.
I tried to help her quickly move on from her feelings, because I thought they were just getting in the way of her succeeding in school and in life.
How Human Design Can Help
NOW I understand my daughter’s Human Design.
She has Emotional Authority.
Every single thing she experiences is through an emotional lens. It’s how she’s made, and there’s nothing wrong with it. She is supposed to FEEL everything.
You can’t talk someone with Emotional Authority out of their feelings!
How I wish I’d known about her Human Design when she was growing up!
I’d have allowed her to feel whatever she was feeling, and waited until her emotional wave had subsided before I attempted to talk to her about the situation or problem. I would have been more compassionate with her and not as judgmental.
Thankfully, I did learn about Human Design.
Today I let her strong emotions pass through me instead of feeling uncomfortable and wanting them to stop. And her big emotions pass more quickly. Our connection is better than ever because I understand her and accept her as she is without trying to change her.
Everybody has a unique Human Design – different needs, motivations, and energy. You can’t parent every child in the same way – even in the same family.
I want you to get along better with your children, understand them better, and appreciate them for who they are.
And I want you to appreciate yourself for who you are, too.
That’s my passion.
With Love,
